I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
