booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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