went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
