put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
