Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
