Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
