And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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