I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
