BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
