He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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