addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize