I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
