some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
