bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
