he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Come on in and take your pants off
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