I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
