you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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