he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
