He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
