Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
