i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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