I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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