you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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