For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
