i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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