hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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