you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize