the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
