His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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