From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
