so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
