Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
