Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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