I hate all girls vehemently.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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