ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
