Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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