I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
