the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
