I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
