god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
