I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize