Four minutes until I can fart!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
