You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
