True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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