Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
