It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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