My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
