I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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