Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
