Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
