I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
