I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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