It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
