that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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