at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm always down for nudity.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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