she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
