HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
