Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
