Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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