Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
