forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
